By Eve Bell

I had my children very close together. For one chaotic year, my mornings started with a playgroup drop-off in one place before a dash to school to drop my son off. We’d just moved house, and I wasn’t used to the new driveway. One morning, as I was reversing in a hurry, I crunched the side of the car against the wall. Of course, our new, elderly neighbours were standing outside to witness the spectacle.

Under my breath – but clearly not quiet enough – I muttered, “For fuck’s sake.” My three-year-old daughter, sitting in the backseat, decided this was her moment to debut her new favourite phrase.

“Fucksake, fucksake, fucksake!” she happily yelled at full volume. Like she fully and totally knew she shouldn’t be saying it.

The car window was open. Our new neighbours must have thought the Clampetts had moved in. It still remains my go-to phrase when life gets overwhelming. Though I’ve learned to say it more in my head. Most of the time.

When Life Multiplies the FFS Moments

Two weeks ago, my husband tore his calf muscle playing Padel (this link sums up the sport perfectly). He’s been in so much pain he has barely been able to walk for two weeks. We are a good team. We share all the jobs and chores but suddenly, it was on me to do everything. Not ideal at this time of year, when the to do list doubles. There have been a couple of muttered and out loud FFS moments.

I have been reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and I stumbled across a mindset shift that’s been surprisingly helpful. Instead of your internal monologue saying, “I have to,” he suggests saying, “I get to.” It’s such a small tweak, but it has genuinely changed how I feel about my never-ending to-do list.

Why It Works (Most of the Time)

The wonder of this mindset shift isn’t that it transforms chores into something magically enjoyable. Scrubbing the bathroom is still scrubbing the bathroom. But it gently shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s present. Instead of dreading a cold, early walk with my dog, I found myself witnessing a glorious sunrise. That one moment of beauty set the tone for my entire day.

That said, gratitude isn’t a magic wand. It doesn’t erase exhaustion or make the chaos disappear. Gratitude and frustration can and do coexist. This shift just creates a little breathing space. A pause where you might otherwise have lost your mind.

When Gratitude Just Isn’t Happening

Of course, there are days when “I get to” doesn’t cut it. Days when the fridge is empty, the dog has puked on your daughter’s carpet, and you’re running on empty. On those days, frustration gets to reign. Shout into a pillow. Scream all the swear words. Gratitude can wait until tomorrow.

(For me, this was Tuesday. The dog really did puke on my daughter’s carpet. Twice.)

Perspective in the Chaos

This isn’t about pretending life is all sunshine and roses. Because it’s not. It’s about finding tiny moments of perspective midst the mess. Because while I have to do everything right now, I also get to have this life: messy, busy, full, and mine.

And on the days I forget that – there’s always a fuck’s sake knocking about.